Kerrang! Awards 2012 – the results

Or ‘if you’re bored and you know it, write a rant.’ Find the first part here!

Nominees, Winners, BBC coverage

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Firstly, credit where credit is due – The Hunter won album of the year. It truly deserves the accolade, for while not being as outre as previous Mastodon efforts, it is an absolutely superb album on all fronts.

Machine Head are in the ‘Kerrang! hall of fame’. I have no idea who else is in said hall of fame, but Machine head have been a very important band for the scene for much of Kerrang’s existence, so the induction is deserved. Same goes for Slash getting Kerrang! icon – hear that Axl, people prefer Slash over you because he has crazy hair and crazy talent, instead of just plain, undifferentiated crazy.

Tenacious D! getting a ‘services to rock’ award is pretty cool, as is seeing Download get a ‘services to metal’ award. Anyone that puts on a festival, no matter how weak the lineup on each individual year might be, deserves applause in my book – such acts have broken lesser men. It also gets best festival, which considering that the opposition including the following notable events…’Hevy Music Festival, Reading and Leeds, Slam Dunk, Hit The Deck’ was surely a bit of a foregone conclusion.

Finally, Black Sabbath get the ‘inspiration’ nod, which is all fair and good but NO FUCKING BILL! Wow, just wow…Also, needs more Tony Martin, Ian Gillan and Glen Hughes.

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Ok, onto the shit-slinging. Best British Newcomer is ‘While She Sleeps’. You can see a video of them below:

Yea, I think you see the problem there. Sounds like a bad Bring Me The Horizon, with less time changes and technical flourishes. Truly, the day this shitty angst-breakdown trend dies from scene-incest the better – it never offered much in the first place and youtube is utterly fucking rife with the crap. The rest of the nominees were also utter bilge

Speaking of BMTH, this is ‘best video’

If we ignore that the music is pretty retarded, only trumped by the lyrics, the video is not all that bad. Crocodiles and crazy ladies are pretty metal, after all. Needs more mutilation, though. Alligator Blood winning means that the preachy bullshit from Motionless in White mentioned in the previous post didn’t win, nor did the Falling in Reverse hair-rock abortion.

Moving into best single, we find Black Veil Brides…

Emo-hair metal is fucking atrocious, but alas, this is actually genuinely the best video in the shortlist! Oh horrors…

Finally, best British Band are You Me At Six. Yea, quite, who whatnow? Did they just beat IRON FUCKING MAIDEN? Yes they did. Never mind that Maiden won the Diamond Jubilee album, and that Number… turns 30 this year, You me at Six are the best British band!1

And more!  – guest vocals from Oli!

So yea, the Kerrang! awards hit the mark on some points, but on others they really did miss the proverbial barn door and wound up in the slurry pit.

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As a little coda, this lot were strangely absent, as they are both new, British and metal as fuck. Expect a full review on their debut full length in the coming days

-edit – oh wow, the youtube screen-shot previews are priceless – crybaby, hourglass, make-up goth kid, crybaby and screamo, finished by dude in a metal shirt with a massive jet-black bass. proper.